My Approach to Relationship Counseling
Remember when you fell in love with your partner? You were the perfect couple. You had so much in common, and everyone could see it. When there were differences, you didn’t point them out. You likely avoided topics or did the “smile and nod” and agreed with your partners perspective. It’s normal in the early stages of a relationship to focus on your similarities and not your differences.
Fast forward a couple of years and you become more aware of you differences. As time goes on, it’s more difficult to ignore the little things or pretend that you see everything from the same perspective as your partner. Couples begin to develop ineffective patterns in their relationship as they try to manage and come to terms with these differences.
There are two common patterns that develop at this stage of the relationship. When tension arises around differences some partners become over accommodating to avoid conflict. They have the best intentions; however, their interactions are filled with indirect communication, avoidance and holding back on their thoughts and feelings if they are in disagreement with their partner.
Alternatively, are those partners that develop a hostile pattern as they fight to maintain their position and convince their partners to merge with them. This pattern often leads to escalating conflicts, arguments, blame.
If you are nodding your head in agreement, you’re not alone. All relationships struggle. It is normal and doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you or your relationship. Most of us did not have great relationship role models growing up, which leaves us ill-equipped to deal with the complexities of adult relationships.
When these patterns persist they can erode your relationship causing you to grow distant, disconnected, retreating behind walls of built up anger, hurt and resentment.It is important that you and your partner are open to developing new relationship and communication skills to effectively deal with these differences.
It is painful when you feel stuck in a negative cycle with your partner, but it doesn’t have to be that way. At Relationship Counseling of Walpole I help couples break free from these destructive patterns and work toward creating a loving, respectful relationship while restoring the meaningful connection that you desire.
During our sessions together, you and your partner will start to recognize the behaviors that are keeping you stuck and learn the skills you need to break out of dysfunctional patterns so you can better communicate and connect with each other.
You will practice new ways of interacting and responding to each other so you can be better equipped to talk about your problems and experience your marriage in a way that satisfies both of you!
I use less of a traditional counseling approach and more of a coaching approach in my work with couples. There is less emphasis on the past and more focus on what you want for your future.
Together we can provide clarity on:
- What type of relationship do you want to create?
- What kind of partner do you aspire to be?
- What do you need to do to build the relationship that you desire while still maintaining your integrity?
It may seem counterintuitive, however, creating a better relationship comes down to self-change rather than how your partner can change.
Identifying what kind of relationship you want to create is the starting point of our work together. With a focus on the kind of marriage you want to be in, I will help you identify what it will take from each of you to achieve that.
Call or email to schedule your first session!
Improvement in relationships happen when both people are making changes and not just expecting their partner to change.
What to expect when you schedule a session:
Once you have scheduled your session, I will email you with a link to access the client portal to complete the intake paperwork before we meet.
During our first session, I will be asking you questions to understand any challenges that brought you to counseling. We will assess the dynamics, patterns, and habits at work in your relationship.
After the first session with you as a couple, I will schedule individual sessions with each of you. This is an opportunity for me to get to know you better and have a more detailed history of your relationship, from both perspectives.
This can include your own experiences, previous relationships, and family/origin experiences that may have influenced the current state of your marriage. You will begin to understand what you may be doing that keeps your relationship stuck and what changes it will take to bring about the relationship that you desire.
Our sessions do not focus on rehashing the “fight of the week.” We focus on learning and practicing a new process to manage conflicts successfully, so you can understand one another.
I participate actively in every session, and I will interrupt unhelpful and critical blaming dialogue when I see it in session. Conflict is natural in all relationships. We will not work on making all conflicts go away; instead, we will figure out how to better manage these conflicts.
Couples Therapy is an active process. Creating a better relationship is about doing the little things every day to develop new habits. Making changes will require you to commit to actively work outside of the session daily.
Time. Commitment. Patience.
Are you ready? Call today to schedule your session!